Women's April Blog - Heart

I found out a lot about my heart recently. It’s physically well, but what about everything else that goes through my mind from outside influence, inside personal thoughts and any others reaching my heart. What about that condition? I began praying and then asking myself about its condition over the last few months.

In my home we get up, Monday-Friday quite early. There are nights, though, I don’t sleep well. Can you relate to this? If you’re like me, I hit snooze when I haven’t slept well; I won’t even divulge how many times. At some point, I noticed my heart posture as I reflected on the lack of sleep I had, the stress from previous weeks, and the fatigue I felt. As many of you know my dad was sick for a few years and he passed away recently. His health, as well as my mom passing 18 months earlier, are partial reasons for lack of sleep. But it seemed there was more …

I’d like to travel back to a few months ago. I was in our car, with my siblings and spouses. We had been together for an event with my dad and then all left together. As we chatted in the car, my brother and I were talking about vacation plans we had coming up, reminiscing about past vacations as well. You know the ones where you vividly remember the ocean water grazing your toes, then covering your feet, and sense feeling the beach being pulled away as the wave goes out causing the sand to sink in under your heals? These are vacations where peace and quiet are the rhythm of part, or all of your day. A place where your heart, soul and mind are at rest, soothed by your surroundings or adventure.

As we continued our car ride, I noticed my sister had gotten quiet during our conversation. When I listened intently, I heard her voice softly, and what I heard were disappointed sighs under her breath. My heart broke for her because she lost her husband to cancer 7 years ago and she didn’t have “her person” to vacation with and spend time with her on a restorative retreat. Loneliness is capturing sometimes, isn’t it? It’s uninvited and unexpected showing up in conversation with no warning that either are coming. That’s where I felt the emptiness of my sister.

I prayed; that’s where God turned her emptiness into an opportunity. I talked with our daughter and my husband because for over a year, my husband and I had offered to go to our daughter and son-in-law’s home to house and dog-sit while they were on vacation. Since their house has 4 bedrooms and we would be the only humans there, I wondered if I could invite my sister to travel with us. Both, my daughter and husband, came back with the answer of yes, let’s invite her. So, I made the phone call to my sister. She was thrilled to be invited. We made plans, an itinerary, and then even more exiting was the call we shared where she made her flight reservation. This reservation meant she was really going!

Fast forward, she arrived at our home the night prior to our departure. She and I would leave a couple days before my hubby could join us. We boarded the plane in Colorado Springs and the excitement that surrounded our anticipation encircled us. We had a connecting flight as well and boarded that flight. As we neared our destination, I knew what was coming, because of course I had visited previously. It was a sweet gift to watch my sister’s excitement. As we got close, she peered out the window and took some pictures of our approach. Finally, we landed, up the exit ramp and into the terminal we went.

Have you ever noticed how different each airport terminal makes you feel? This one makes you feel happiness, joy, and delight. There are bright colors in the shops, welcome messages over the PA system and the area is open and uncrowded most of the time.

We walked toward baggage claim. As we walked to retrieve our luggage, you go outside from the airconditioned terminal, across a wide elevated sidewalk and then into the main terminal. This was her first breath of the humid air, the trade winds tossing her hair, seeing the huge, beautiful trees, flowers and shrubs of Oahu, Hawaii.

The week was filled with beaches, walks, site seeing, gorgeous drives, historical tours, attending a sweet church on island, quiet times on the back patio, and barbequing as we spent time together.

But my heart, how was it? With all this beauty and excitement around me, my heart was still struggling. I could feel God deeply working. The stress was still there. Why?

And then, there it was, provision and the words … “but God” … how many times have each of us been able to say this? “But God”, who had planned this forever ago … before my experience, before our daughter was thought of, born, married, living on Oahu, or anything I currently in our lives. He knew. He knew the days of my mom & dad’s lives, He knew the loneliness of my sister, He knew our grief, He knew the posture of my heart in the moment, He knew my fatigue, and He knew what we each needed, what I needed. God’s “quiet peace” rushed over me just days later. Friends, these months of buildup have all been about the LORD and His provision, about Him seeing what needs were present and giving His kind attention to those needs. To my sister, to me, … all of it.

What changed? Was I sleeping better? Was I less stressed on the island? What?

We went to One Love, Windward side on Oahu, Easter Sunday. Pastor Duke, he goes by his first name, spoke on the resurrection from Mark 16:1-8. At the onset, his message included a quote from Billy Graham,

“The resurrection of Christ changed the midnight of bereavement, into a sunrise of reunion.

It changed the midnight of disappointment into a sunrise of joy. It changed the midnight of fear to a sunrise of peace.”

Pastor Duke summarized Billy Graham’s quote by saying, “The resurrection is everything… it proves Jesus is the Son of God. He gave background on this passage, reading about how Christ was a servant Savior, washing the feet of his disciples. He asked if we were being a family of services. He outlined in Mark 1-8, there are 4 things going on:

 There is a plan, verses 1-2, a problem in vs 3, provision in vs.4-6, & proclamation in vs.7-8.

I thought about this message for the rest of the day, and I woke the next morning greeting my long-lost heart with delight, because for so long I had put up a shield of protection around it. Protecting myself from the daily grief during the process of losing my dad, the illness we watched him go through, remembering what Christ did, what rest is in Him, what it is to serve and all that transpired around me in the midst illness and loss and I needed to remember.

I’d to encourage you to take time to read this passage, Mark 16:1-8, when you can. I pray it gives you peace and if your heart is in a condition that needs to hear this, that you would feel the gift of Jesus’ resurrection every day, God’s hope and mercy, His peace, His love, and His covering.

- Traci Hollingsworth